For You
by SerikalasQuill
Summary: After almost dying at the hands of Voldemort the summer before her last year at Hogwarts, Hermione is determined to help Harry bring down the dark lord. Although her physical scars have been nursed back to health, her psychological ones are red and raw.
1. Slow down, then stop

"_Hermione stop!" Harry yelled running after her. _

"_No, I-I can't." She didn't look back; she kept her eyes focused on the gravel road in front of her. If she turned and looked back then she might fall. If she fell then she would be wasting precious seconds getting up. And as those seconds ticked by, he would be coming closer. And she didn't want him coming closer. She didn't want him catching her. Not again. _

"'_Mione please, slow down!" she heard Harry behind her, breathless. But she refused to acknowledge him. She tried pretending that he wasn't there. But as he was a faster runner than she was he quickly overtook her._

_She felt strong arms wrap around her waist to stop her tireless running. Before she knew it, the world was tilting as she stumbled and fell. Lucky Harry's arms prevented her hitting the ground with full force. She couldn't look at him. She couldn't into his eyes and see pity. Not again. She wasn't going to let them feel sorry for her. Poor, weak Hermione. Hermione Granger who always needed to be saved. Hermione who always acted without thinking, blinded by passion. _

_She struggled with all her might to free herself from his arms. It was not use. They had an iron tight grip on her and they weren't about to loosen up. Changing tactic Hermione began clawing at the bare skin. Drawing blood might cause him enough pain to consider releasing her. _

"_Hey! What is wrong with you?" _

"_Let me go." She said in an unsteady voice, all the while continuing the clawing on his arm. _

"_Not until I'm sure you wont run away." He said and in a swift movement managed to pin Hermione's arms by her side, ceasing her scratching. _

_Defeated, Hermione felt her body go slack. The adrenaline and the shock were wearing off allowing her to finally feel the pain of her injuries. The cut on her cheek was throbbing; her ankle ached and sent white hot flashes of pain up her leg. Looking down she saw the bone protruding. Nauseated she couldn't figure out how she had managed to run with it like that. How she had managed to avoid the pa-_

* * *

"Hey I think she's waking up," a voice floated hazily to her ear. Hermione tried to open her eyes to see who had spoken but she failed. It was almost as if they were glued shut, "Call Pomfrey."

She felt the rustling of covers as someone sat next to her. Although the speaker has spoken calmly before, now as they were sitting so close she could feel the anxiety emanating from their body in waves.

Hermione tried again to open her eyes. This time she managed to get them open a fraction and she could see Ron sitting on the edge of her bed. Closing her eyes against the harsh white of the room, she tried to remember how she got there. She didn't know where there was, but if she had to guess she would say the infirmary at Hogwarts. Wasn't that where everyone ended up eventually?

"When did she open her eyes?" the voice of an older woman broke through her thoughts.

"She didn't," Ron, said looking at the unconscious and unmoving girl in front of him. It pained him to see her this way, battered and bruised, black and blue. He could feel the moisture in his eyes returning as he thought back to the day they found her, and he was almost overcome by grief.

"You mean to tell me you just dragged me away from another patient for no reason?" Madame Pomfrey was incredulous.

"No, no – listen," Ron began quickly, the words tumbling from his mouth all at once, "She moaned, and they her eyelids began fluttering. I swear I even saw her arm twitch. Listen to me, she is waking up. I know it."

"Be that as it may, there is no visible movement now, so if you'll excuse me I must return to my other patient. Who, I might add, is actually awake."

Hermione heard her stalk off. She struggled against the welcoming darkness to stay awake. There had been panic in Ron's voice, almost as if she had been asleep for a long time. But that couldn't be. It was near impossible. But before she could dwell on it any longer, she felt her mind succumbing to the wonderful darkness. She felt all her worries slip away. Reality seemed as distant as a star in the sky. And Hermione could have sworn that she felt her heartbeat slow down. Slow down, and then stop.

* * *

**Authors Note: **Hey everyone, hope you enjoyed the first chapter of 'For You'. I apologise for the short length, the next one will be longer. Now you know the drill leave a comment and tell me what you think. The more reviews I get the faster I will post the next chapter. xoxo


	2. The Αftermath

As Hermione felt her life ebb away, strange images took form in her mind…

Colours, shapes and people all blended in together. Voices speaking fragments of sentences were replaced by images of a man. A faceless, snake-like man. Hermione could almost feel his power even through the darkness and comfort of her mind. He was reaching out to her, extending a hand for her to take. He was speaking to her in riddles. Encouraging her to move forward. She felt powerless. Her legs moved without any formal command from her. Now he was smiling, a cold grin distorting his face. She tried to look away, maybe that would break the spell he had over her. Blind panic overtook her body as she realised she couldn't move her head, or divert her eyes. Now she was close for him to take her hand. His ice fingers burned as they made contact with the skin. Crying out in pain Hermione tried to yank her hand away. The man laughed. The deep crackling laughed that was coming out of him chilled her blood. _"You'll never escape me Hermione Granger." _He whispered leaning his face closer to her. Hermione was paralysed with fear. She had to get away, but he was holding on to her too tightly. _"Please." _She begged and began pulling her arm trying to escape his death hold. _"Hermione, my dear girl. Haven't you realised it yet? You are not going anywhere." _He enunciated clearly, _"Allow me to let you in on a little secret. You may have escaped me physically. But you didn't do it alone, you had outside help. Harry Potter and Ron Weasley. In your dreams though you are vulnerable and alone. And you are mine…"_

The image evaporated in a flash of colour, blinding and burning Hermione. She yelled out in pain. Her body felt like it was on fire. Every nerve in her body stood on end, every muscle tense. She yelled again, and again. The darkness around her now was coloured in bright spots of colour. Colours representing pain, hurt and rage combined. Hermione wanted it to stop. She wanted to let the darkness take her back. She was comfortable there. She didn't fell pain. She didn't feel nothing at all. She wasn't even scared when she realised he was dying. When she was sure she heard her heart beat a final time. No, she hadn't felt anything. Now though, that her whole world had changed to one of pain, she wanted to go back to that nothingness. She wanted to die. Anything was better than this never ending fire coursing through her veins.

Hermione's eyes flew open, just as she let another scream erupt from her mouth. Strong hands were pinning her down onto the bed. She struggled against them and then began tossing and turning around the bed. The person holding her down swore loudly and called for reinforcements. She felt another pair of hands attempt to hold her legs in place. Hermione refused to lay still even then. Liquid fire was running through her veins causing involuntary spasms to overtake her body. Her throat burned with each breath and her eyes watered with pain at the bright lights in the room.

After several long minutes, as she grew tired of trying to put out an invisible fire, Hermione fell back onto the pillows in defeat. She barely noticed that most of the pain had evaporated. She was still too shocked to think about it. She wasn't even thinking about the slight convulsions that were taking over her body from time to time. Her eyes were glazed over and she looked lifelessly to the side.

"Hermione?" someone's voice was bridging on hysterical. They grabbed her shoulders and roughly shook her.

Slowly her eyes regained focus. The cloudy film that had developed over them dissipated. Hesitantly, almost afraid that the fire would return, she looked at the boy who was shaking her. Harry Potter was standing over her with a deep frown creasing his forehead. His eyes had large dark bags under them and from the way his shoulders slumped she could tell he hadn't slept for many days.

"Ha-Harry." She croaked her voice hoarse from yelling.

"Oh 'Mione!" he exclaimed relief flooding his face as tears welled up in his eyes.

"Harry," she swallowed, flinching as the action caused her dry throat to ache, "What happened?"

"Oh 'Mione, we thought you weren't going to make it. And when you started screaming like that, I didn't know what to do. I sent Ron to get Dumbledore. Ron! He will be so glad to see you're awake."

Harry hugged her again tightly, almost scared that if he let her go she would leave him again. Hermione allowed herself to be enveloped inside his arms and welcomed their warmth. She was confused though. What was Harry talking about her not waking up? What had happened to her? Before she could ask him again she heard doors banging open and Ron's voice loudly from the end of the room.

"Dumbledore, I-I mean Professor, you have to do something. _Anything_," his voice cracked with pain, "This is Hermione. You have to help her."

"Mr Weasley I will do everything I can to help Ms Granger. But I must warn you that even I can't make miracles happen. If Ms Gran-"

What he was about to say was lost by Ron's exclaim. He saw Hermione awake and sitting up and Harry hugging her like his life depended on it. Ron was only immobilised for a second before running and crushing the fragile girl's body to his chest, whispering warning and threats about what he would do to her if she ever scared him like that again.

"Hermione we missed you. You have us so worried." He said voice thick with emotion.

"Yes Ms Granger, it's true. No one was positive if you would be able to come out of this alive, and if you didn't manage to whether you would still be the same." Dumbledore said eyes inquisitive.

"Okay," she said slowly, trying to recall what had happened to make everyone worry like this, "Now, umm, can someone tell me what happened?"

Three pairs of eyes widened in disbelief once the words were out of her mouth. They all looked at each other wondering who would break the news to her first. Harry opened his mouth to speak but then shut it. Pain clearly written across his face. Ron looked away as if unable to keep looking at her any longer. Before he turned Hermione saw pity clearly in his eyes as they welled up in tears. It was only Professor Dumbledore who remained silent and still, looking at her with interest.

"Ms Granger, are you saying that you don't remember any of the events that brought you here?"

"No, nothing. Why what happened?" she insisted, adding as much strength to her voice. Maybe they thought that she was still too weak to hear to truth, maybe they won't ever tell her what really happened.

"There was an attack. Voldemort came in the middle of the night. The order barely made it on time to save you. Unfortunately, though, we were unable to get there in time to save your parents." The Professor said quickly avoiding her eyes.

"That's not all," Harry began turning to look at her. Ron and Dumbledore both swung their eyes sharply towards him. Dumbledore even made a movement that made Hermione think he was going to stop Harry telling her but they thought better of it, "When we arrived we managed to find your parents but you were nowhere in sight. It when then when we heard your screams."

Hermione watched him with wide eyes, tears free failing down her face but she made no move to wipe them away.

"We didn't know what was happening. If we did then we would have marched up there and stopped them, you have to believe us!" Harry cried desperately, a pleading look combined with deep internal pain distorting his face, "There were at least half a dozen death eaters in your room. You were tied up on your bed. Oh, Hermione it was awful. What they did to you and the cruciatious in-between each one's turn-"

Hermione watched as deep sobs took over his body. Numbness entered her mind and spread out like liquid to every part of her body. She didn't react. She just looked at each pain of eyes in turn and saw the same words in each of them: "Oh, the poor girl"


	3. Sense of Normality

**A/N: Ok here is chapter three. Im really, really sorry that I have taken this long to update. I have recently graduated from high school, and just a few days ago, I completed my final exams. Now I am waiting patiently until the 16****th**** of December when I find out what ATAR I got (It's a mark out of 100 that will determine what coursed I am able to get into university to study for). Hopefully now that I have endless time on my hands, as university doesn't start 'till March, I will be able to update much more frequently. **

***Heloise: Yay, you are my first reviewer!!!!!! Yes, I know, it is a shame that there is only 1 review for my story. Hopefully, though, that will change. I hope you enjoy chapter three, and I am currently working on chapter 4 as well. **

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of the character in this story. All I own are any new characters you may come across in the duration of this story and the plot. Everything else belongs to the amazing J. K Rowling. **

Hermione lay there in the bed. She couldn't fathom what she had just heard. Being the brightest witch in Hogwarts meant that she knew what had happened to her. Yet being the victim in this ordeal meant that she wasn't able to accept it. Then again, how was one supposed to accept the fact that they had been raped? Not just once, but multiple times. How was she meant to accept that being raped wasn't enough, that the death eaters also felt that they needed to torture her in between their turns? She had been violated in the worst possible way. The one thing she cherished was ripped from her body without remorse and now she was left feeling used and dirty. However, that wasn't the worst thing. She had to deal with the death of her parents. Two of the most kind-hearted and loving people she had ever met. Brutality murdered because their daughter was a muggle-born! How was she supposed to function knowing that she had ultimately being the cause of her parents deaths?

Hours before Harry, Ron and Dumbledore left her. For that, she was grateful. She didn't want to see their pity. She didn't want to know that they thought her to be so weak. Yet now that they were gone, she craved their presence. It had been them that had helped her stay together. Their combined strength had stopped her crumbling and breaking down. Now without them there, there was no one to hold her and tell her that everything will be ok; No one to hold her as her body trembled uncontrollably; No one there to hear her sobbing and screaming as the pain of what she went through finally became too much for her to bear silently. She was alone for the first time in her life.

Madam Pomfrey came and went, each time avoiding looking at the girl in the eyes. Even she was feeling sorry for her. Hermione though, was over everyone's pity. She needed someone around her who wouldn't baby her. Someone who would try to maintain a sense of normality in her life. Racking her brains, she couldn't for the life of her find a person who wouldn't act differently towards her. Harry was forever going to pity her and silently blame himself for the death of her parents and the torment that Hermione has got through; Ron would never let her out of his sight fearing a repetition of what had occurred; Dumbledore would tell all the teachers to go easy on her this year, which will ultimately result in none of the teachers ever treating her the same. They will be giving her easy grades just to keep her happy and to not stress her out; therefore, she won't even be able to excel at school honestly. The only person that might be able to keep a sense of continuity going would be Ginny. She would try to keep Hermione happy, yet her short temper would mean that if Hermione was out of line then Ginny would let her know it.

_Well one out of three friends is better than nothing_, Hermione thought as Pomfrey came to check up on her again.

"How are you feeling dear?" The woman said checking the various injuries still visible on the girl's body.

"Great." She grumbled and Pomfrey shot her a worried look from the corner of her eyes.

"Maybe you should remain here another night." She older woman said taking Hermione's temperature. At that, Hermione's eyes widened and she shot up. There was no way that she would remain in the Hospital Wing.

"Actually I feel fine. Never better." She said quickly and smiled a large, rather fake, smile.

"Still I would rather you stay here. I want to be one hundred percent positive that you are fine before you are allowed to leave." Pomfrey said sternly. Hermione though was insistent. She wouldn't stay there another night. She needed to get out.

"Madam Pomfrey. I know where the infirmary is. If I feel unwell, I promise that I will make my way down here without hesitation." She said and kept her expression blank as the woman assessed her face.

"Fine, but if you feel unwell, queasy or if you feel slightly off you must come here immediately."

Hermione promised and once Madam Pomfrey gave her all her medication, she was free to go. Once outside though she didn't know where to go. The school year wouldn't begin for a few more days, and she didn't know where to go. She wasn't sure where Harry and Ron were at that moment so she couldn't even go and find them. She had an inkling that they would be in the Gryffindor common room but she didn't feel like being in an enclosed space. An enclosed dark space to be more exact. She wasn't claustrophobic, yet after what she had gone through, in the safety of her small room, it wasn't a surprised that she was craving large open areas.

Slowly she dragged her feet along the dark corridor away from the Hospital Wing. She listened to her shoes as they dragged across the ground. It was rhythmic, and calming for her frantic nerves. She focused on her breathing; deep breaths in and out. She felt the darkness closing in around her. She knew that it was illogical to feel scared. After all, she was at Hogwarts; her safe house. There was no way that anyone would hurt her here. Though she knew this, she couldn't help the terror she felt. It was suffocating her. Hermione was sure that terror was oozing out of every single one of her pores.

Without a second thought, she began running. Her mind was screaming for her to stop. That it was stupid to be engulfed by such a strong sense of terror. But at that moment, she didn't want to listen to logic. She just wanted to get away from the dark corridor. She needed light. And if she didn't find it, soon—well she didn't want to think what would happen to her if she remained stuck in this dark maze. This dark labyrinth of corridors.

"Hermione!" a male voice called out t her, making her falter in her steps and fall down. Banging her elbow painfully against the stone ground.

"Hermione, what are you doing?" She looked up and saw Harry's concern face. His cheeks were red and he was breathing in and out rapidly, a clear sign that he had run after her.

"Oh, Harry!" she said and threw her arms around him. Hermione clung onto his strong frame, trying to pull the warmth out of him and into her. She felt his arms snake around her waist and pull her tighter to his body. Harry didn't say anything. He just held her there as her body shook from terror.

"'Mione, what happened? You're shaking." His voice was soft, his eyes weary.

"I don't know. One minute I was leaving the Hospital Wing. Madam Pomfrey declared me fine. The next moment I felt the walls closing in…" her voice faded out as the memory of the terror she felt came back to her.

"It's ok 'Mione. You're safe now." Harry said and led her away from the dark corridor she had been running down.

Hermione remained silent, and allowed Harry to lead her. She had no idea where he was taking her. However, if she had stopped and paid attention for a moment she would have noticed that they were on their way to the Gryffindor common room. Hermione though didn't want to pay attention. She just wanted to focus on Harry's arm around her. Just this simple gesture emanated the strength that the 17 year old boy beside her had. She was glad that she had friends like Harry and Ron to lean on. Yes, it was true that after what had happened, they would never be the same with her, but she would rather have them acting all weird towards her than ever lose them. She had lost her parents, and she was fraying at the seams. If she lost either Harry or Ron, she was sure that she would lose it. Completely. They were her family now, and she would do whatever it takes to protect them. She would step in front of a bullet for both of them without the slightest moment's hesitation. In layman's terms, she would die for them.

"Ok, watch your step 'Mione. We're here." Harry said and led the barely functioning Hermione through the Gryffindor portrait hole.

Once inside Hermione tried her hardest to focus on her surrounding. The warmth from the lit fire felt like heaven to her skin. The goosebumps that had spread all over her body dissipated. Her eyes came into focus and she spotted a hesitant Ron approaching her. Hermione didn't vacillate; she ran to him and threw her arms around him. She felt his body un-tense as soon as her wrapped his arms around her. He was whispering things in her ear but she wasn't concentrating on anything that he said. She was just grateful for the bone-breaking hug that he was giving her. Although, truth be told, she was finding it increasingly difficult to breathe as the seconds went by.

"Hermione." He said simply and looked at her face as she finally pulled away. This simple, four syllable word was drenched in emotion. Everything that he was feeling that very moment was apparent in that one word. Hermione was taken aback. She knew that Ron was harbouring feeling for her, but she never knew the extent of those feelings. She simply looked at him and waited to see if he was going to say anything else. However, all he did was maintain his eye contact, his eyes boring into her very soul.

Finally, she pulled away, his intensity burning holes through her eyes to the back of her head. She stepped back and looked at the two boys before her. They were both watching her carefully, assessing her current state of mind and physical condition. Hermione smiled at both of them. It was the first genuine smile she had smiled in what felt like years. She watched as both boys visible relaxed, certain that their Hermione was back.

"So...?" She said nervously.

"I leave you out of my sight for one moment. One moment for God's sake. And you almost get yourself killed?" Ron exclaimed, "That's, in handcuffing myself to you."

Harry and Hermione burst out laughing. Trust Ron to be able to break the ice in any awkward situation. Hermione walked to the armchair closer to the fire. Both boys sat on the couch and looked at her, their smiles barely reaching their eyes.

"Seriously Hermione, never put us through that again." Harry said.

"He's right mate, I'm not sure my poor heart could take it!" Ron added melodramatically.

"Ron, if you were to cut down on sweets and chocolates, and you exercised a bit more im sure your heart would be just fine." She chastised.

"'Scuse me but I have been exercising. I've been playing Quidditch all through the holidays. Don't tell me you didn't notice by fantastically athletic body!" he pouted.

Hermione couldn't deny it. She had noticed his physical changes, along with Harry's. Both had grown and were now well over six foot, although Ron was still taller than Harry. When she hugged Harry, she felt his strong chest. Yet upon hugging Ron, she was able to feel that he had developed quite a nice eight pack. Although she wasn't the type of girl who was obsessed with seeing boys topless, Hermione couldn't say that she was impatient to get a clear look at both boys half naked. If for no other reason that to assess how much Quidditch training can change the body.

Hermione realised that Ron was waiting for a response to his previous question. She looked at his slightly blushing frame and simply smirked.

She looked at both boys again and sighed. She knew what they were doing. They were trying to distract her, and it was working. Inside she was praising their attempts. Yet she felt guilty. She had never understood why someone would feel guilty for having fun once they had lost a parent. In the holidays when she would visit her parents, she would watch countless shows on television and she would hear about girls, and boys, who felt that they were never supposed to have fun. They argued that since their parents were gone, they shouldn't be having fun and forgetting the loss. They needed to maintain their grieving and depressing thoughts, as it was unfair for them to have fun while their parents were unable to any longer. Yet now she was able to relate to these people. Hermione shouldn't be laughing; she shouldn't be enjoying herself with Harry and Ron. In this brief distraction, she had forgotten what had happened to her parents and that was wrong. What happened should be continually in her mind. Like a broken record, replaying the same thing over and over again relentlessly.

"'Mione I forgot to tell you. You were supposed to go see Dumbledore as soon as you got released from Pomfrey's clutches." Harry said hurriedly.

Realising that she was late she shot up from her seat; bid Harry and Ron a quick goodbye, promising to come and see them after she was done with Dumbledore; and bolted out of the door. This time she paid attention to her surrounding. There was no need to though. Harry, Ron and herself had visit Dumbledore's office so many times that the route from the common room to the distinctive stone gargoyle marking the entrance to the office was permanently marked in her mind. Running flat out Hermione was able to reach her destination in less than 5 minutes. Upon arrival, though she realised a problem. She was unable to enter due to not knowing the new password. Groaning inwardly angrily at forgetting to ask Harry for the password Hermione tried to find a way of alerting Dumbledore of her presence.

She began pacing back and forth, thinking about the password. Hermione was so intent in her thinking that she barely heard the scraping of stone on stone as the entrance to Dumbledore's office opened up and the legendary man himself looked at the pacing girl. He stood there for sometime, watching the girl's face; scrunched up in thought. He was glad to see that some part of her hadn't changed, and her intensity it seemed had remained with her still.

"Miss Granger, would you like to continue your pacing? Or would you be interested in following me inside?" He asked simple and Hermione let out a small gasp as a blush spread over her cheeks.

Slowly she followed the wizard inside his exquisite office.

"Now I assume you're wondering why I have called you here." He began.

"I assumed that you wanted to talk with me about what happened." She muttered, watching his face. Noting the sparkle that was once again present in his eyes.

"Miss Granger, you have been through a terrible ordeal. No denying that. Moreover, you need time to heal both physically and psychologically. We will talk about what happened that night, be sure of it. Yet at the moment we have other matters to discuss."

"Like what?" Hermione looked at Dumbledore's face. What else did they need to discuss? She wasn't playing naïve, she tried t think about what else they might have to talk about. Yet she couldn't think of a single thing other than the attack that they would need to talk about.

"Miss Granger, I am pleased to inform you and you are this years Head Girl."

"What!?!" Hermione squealed. What? How? Why? This was impossible!

"You are our best student and the only possible candidate who will be able to handle the pressure involved with leading this school. I wont go into the details of your duties as Head Girl just yet, I will leave that till the Head Boy gets here in a couple of days. What I will tell you now is where your common room, the common room you will be sharing with the Head Boy, is." Dumbledore informed her smiling.

Hermione couldn't believe her ears. She was Head Girl. She, Hermione Granger, was made Head Girl. She tried to stifle the excitement that she felt at the news down. Moments earlier, she had been thinking about how she wasn't supposed to be feeling happy. Yet her excitement didn't want to be suppressed. She beamed at the headmaster. Finally, all those years of hard work had paid off!

"Now you are able to stay in the common room of you wish, or you could stay in the Gryffindor common room. The choice is yours." The old wizard before her smiled at her, "Congratulations Miss Granger. Im sure you will make us proud."

Hermione walked out of the office, her mind still in a haze. She was Head Girl. She couldn't fathom it. Finally, something positive to look forward to. Maybe she would be able to get through the tragedy that befell her. Maybe this is what she needed. Before she had been thinking about normality and about how everything would be different now and how everyone would act different towards her. Nothing would remain the same. Yet as she looked at the gleaming gold badge in her hand that read 'Head Girl' Hermione couldn't help smiling. Maybe this is how she will be able to maintain a sense of regularity in her life. She had always been bookworm Hermione Granger, who received straight O's in all her exams. Well, as Head Girl she would need to maintain high marks, therefore she would have to continue being bookworm Hermione Granger. Maybe she will have to show everyone that she intends to go about her life as if nothing happened, and then they will be able to follow her example and treat her as they had always done.

She followed Dumbledore's instructions to where the Head's common room portrait was located. All the while a smile playing on her lips. Nothing could bring her down. She didn't want anything to bring her down.

Slowly she approached the portrait of a rather handsome looking boy. He smiled at her as she approached.

"Hi." He said excitedly, watching her with interest.

"Hello."

"My name is Derek Miller. What's yours?"

"Hermione Granger, im Head Girl." She said proudly.

"Well duh!" he laughed, "You are located outside of the Head's common room."

Hermione glared at the boy.

"So you wanna set the password or are you going to stand there glaring at me all day?" He added after a few moments still smiling. Hermione noted that the smile almost seemed like a smirk. She thought that this boy's smirk could rival Malfoy's.

"Merinthophobia" She said quietly.

"That's the password you chose? What's it mean?" Derek inquired.

"It's personal. Now are you going to let me in?" Hermione asked. This boy already marring the high she had previously been on. And he was only a painting. Maybe maintaining a sense of regularity would be harder than she thought. Well, Hermione Granger was always up for a challenge.

"I was just curious. Sheesh!" Derek said, as he swung open and revealed the opening to the Head's common room to Hermione. Quickly she took a deep breath, calming her excitement and took the first step inside.

**A/N: So? What did you think? I wrote an extra long chapter to make up for taking so long to update. I know that this chapter didn't hold much action, the next one though will. I promise. This chapter was more about determining Hermione's state of mind.**

**Please leave a comment and tell me what you thought of this chapter. The more reviews I get, the faster I will update. **

**Suzi xoxo**


	4. Anyone is Better

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own any of the characters or the places mentioned in this story. All I can claim as my own is Derek, the arrogant portrait guarding the Head's Common Room, and the plot. Everything else belongs to a genius known to the world as J. K. Rowling.**

***** **YoungNotUseless: My second reviewer!!!!!!!! It makes me so happy to see that you are enjoying my story. So I decided to finish off chapter 4 sooner rather than later. Here it is, hope you enjoy it. **

Hermione spent the next couple of days in the common room. There wasn't anything to do at Hogwarts while all the students were still away. Therefore, she tried to occupy her time with reading the set list of books for the year and getting herself re-acquainted with the library. Harry and Ron visited her continually yet she always declined their offers to sleep the night and to keep her company. It wasn't that she didn't want them there; it was just that she enjoyed her quiet 'Hermione' time too much. She knew that they were just worried about her and her mental state, and they had every right to be, but they needed to ease up on her a bit. _They _were driving her mental!

On the day that the Hogwarts students were to come back Hermione woke up feeling anxious. She hadn't seen anyone other than Harry and Ron since what had occurred and she was worried about other people's behaviour towards her. She wasn't sure how much everyone else knew about what really happened and she shuddered to think about the stories they had heard. Sometimes, the stories that people make up when they know only half the facts are worse than the real thing.

The ringing of her alarm clock on the oak bedside table signalled that it was time for her to get up. Hermione open her eyes painfully. Every fibre of her being was screaming for her to succumb back into the darkness and peacefulness of sleep. Groaning though she forced herself into a sitting position, dreading the thought of what lay ahead for her that day. The one good thing though was that she would finally find out who the Head Boy was.

"Hermione!" She looked up and saw Harry beckoning to her.

She looked around at the Great Hall and couldn't help noting how gloomy it appeared without all the students there.

"Hey," she sat opposite the two boys who were stuffing their faces with food, "Are you excited? Everyone is arriving today."

Reaching out she loaded her plate with crepes and berries. She didn't have much of an appetite. She felt like the butterflies in her stomach were not leaving her enough room for food.

"Hey 'Mione, have you though 'bout who head boy could be?" Ron said helping himself to a second plate of food.

"Not really," She avoided their eyes, "Haven't had time."

"Oh." Ron exhaled.

Ever since being released from the infirmary, Hermione had been trying her hardest to avoiding thinking about what happened. Everytime she thought about it, she felt her stomach knot up; her heart constrict painfully; she found herself unable to breathe in. Therefore, she decided to just ignore it. Maybe that way it would get easier.

"I-I'm going to go to the library. See you."

She muttered quickly and left the two boys behind. She heard them calling out her name but she ignored them. She had a momentary lapse. She had thought about what had happened and now she was losing control. She fought hard to keep her tears from pouring out of her eyes. She wouldn't cry. She would not!

Breaking out in a run, she paid no attention to where she was heading. Suddenly she felt her shoe catch on something and sent her stumbling. Hermione barely had time to register that she was falling before she felt pain erupt all along her arm. Looking down she saw blood pouring out from a cut. She tried to inspect it closer and saw that she had sliced her arm from wrist to elbow. The cut wasn't particularly deep, yet it was deep enough to be rather painful.

Hermione closed her eyes trying to the pain. Why had she been running? Oh yeah, she didn't want to break down emotionally again. She tried standing and cried out when she put her weight on her ankle.

"Great! That's just great." She grumbled and fell back against the wall. Honestly how had she managed to cut her arm and sprain her ankle? She hadn't fallen that hard!

Looking down she tried to figure out what had cut her arm. She could understand twisting her ankle as she fell. But how had she acquired such a cut?

"Lumos." She uttered at suddenly she was able to look much more clearly at her surrounding. Something was glistening on the floor. Looking closer she saw glass fragments littered everywhere.

_Weird_, she thought and with a quick spell, she made the glass vanish. With another quick spell healed the cut on her arm and then wiped away the blood. The sprain on her ankle involved much tougher healing spells that she had yet to master, so she slowly, and painfully, made her way to the hospital wing.

After madam Pomfrey healed her ankle and inquired about her mental state, Hermione was free to go. She never wanted to find herself in the infirmary again. Not even in an emergency. She was over it. She didn't want to hear another person ask her is she was ok. As time moved forward, she was getting over her ordeal, but everytime someone asked about her wellbeing it brought back painful memories that she had struggled to suppress.

Yes, Hermione could understand why everyone was worried about her. And the truth was that she didn't blame them for obsessing over her. But they needed to ease off a little bit. She was still fragile. As tough and strong as she acted in front of everyone, the truth was that inside she was fighting an internal battle with her emotions. She was constantly replaying the events that had occurred over and over again. She could hear her parent's voices as they witnessed what happened to her and she could still see the flashes of green before her parent's voices fell silent.

She was weak she knew it. She should have done something more to help her parents. She shouldn't have lain there, frightened as her parents were murdered. If she had done more then she might have been able to save them. If she had been stronger, then maybe her parents would be alive today. Not lying next to her grandparents in the cemetery.

Hermione wiped away the tears that leaked out of her eyes. She shouldn't be crying. If either Harry or Ron saw her crying then they would know that she had been lying to them all along. And they would never give her a moment's peace. They would worry incessantly and they might even convince Dumbledore to let her move back to the Gryffindor common room so that they can keep an eye out for her, and Hermione definitely didn't want that happening.

In no time at all, she found herself inside her common room. Her sanctuary. Here she was alone. Here she could be however she wanted to be. She could cry her eyes out; she could scream at the top of her lungs; dance around in her underwear all crazy. She could do anything she wanted. And unless someone had the password to enter, no one would see her acting all 'un-Hermione' like.

Groaning Hermione fell into the armchair nearest the fire. She watched the flames lick the top of the fireplace. She watched as the yellow melted into the orange and the red. Fire had always fascinated her. Even from when she was a little girl. Something about it was soothing. Maybe it was the memories that she linked with fire. Such as when she was young, and her dad was starting the barbeque, she would watch as he lit the fire and prepared it before placing the grill on top and starting the actual barbequing. Her father had insisted that a coal barbeque was the way to go; it produced better tasting meat as opposed to a gas one. Now, Hermione realised sadly, she would never get another chance to observe her father barbequing. She would never get another chance to see her father doing anything again.

Hermione felt her body succumb to the pain as she began sobbing. She felt like someone had ripped out her heart. Now she had an empty, gaping hole where the vital organ used to be. However, she didn't care. What did she need a heart for? It wasn't as if she should be living anyway. Not while her parents were dead. Why had she been spared? Why was it that she had lived to see another day? She wasn't better than her parents were; no one was better than her parents were, yet God had allowed them to be killed and had granted her life. It wasn't fair. None of this was fair. Everyday, from now on, she had to live with the knowledge that she had ultimately killed her parents. If she wasn't a witch, then maybe they would have lived. If she wasn't a mudblood, hated by Voldemort and by the death eaters, then maybe, just maybe, her parents would never have had to die. If she wasn't friends with Harry Potter, then maybe Voldemort would have over looked her and her muggle parents. However, she couldn't blame Harry, it wasn't his fault. It was hers. Only she could shoulder the blame for her parent's demise.

Suddenly Hermione felt her heart constrict. All the crying and her never-ending internal battle were getting to be too much for her. She needed to let it out. Crying apparently wasn't helping. She clutched her chest as she thought. If she was anyone else, she would have submitted to self harm by now. But she was Hermione Granger, and Hermione Granger was smart enough to know that scarring yourself was not only unhealthy, but just plain wrong.

_You fell down before and cut yourself_, a voice in her head pipped up, _and it made you forget. You focused on the pain in your arm and you forgot your troubles and the pain in your heart. _

Hermione didn't know where the voice came from. It was true, after she hurt herself she had forgotten all about why she had been running in the first place; to try and get rid of her overwhelming emotions. However, she put it down to shock. After all, she hadn't expected to fall down and cut herself!

Yet the pain in her heart was increasing as she reasoned with herself. Hermione cried out as she remained clutching her chest. Every second that went by, she felt herself losing control. Sobs still racked her body, and inside she was still in turmoil. Without any formal command from her mind, she felt herself running towards her room and into her conjoining bathroom. She didn't register what she was doing, so it didn't click to her head that she needed to stop and think. Suddenly though, everything was clear to her. The pain that she had felt inside was slowly dissipating.

Looking down Hermione saw a stream of red running down her arm. She couldn't believe it. She had done what she had condemned others for doing all her life. She had cut herself, and as a result, she felt good. She kept her eyes as the blood trickled from her wrist down her palm and fingertips and dripped onto the tiles. It was only then that she realised she needed to heal the cut before she lost too much blood. Grabbing a towel and pressing it to her wrist, she went and grabbed her wand. In not time at all she had removed all evidence of what she had done and sat on the edge of her bed, inspecting the thin white scar now in place of the cut.

_What did I do?_ She thought.

_Release the pain._

_But why like this? Why didn't the pain disappear from crying? People always told me that a person feels better after they cry!_

_Your pain went too deep to just be healed by tears. _

_But why?_ Hermione wondered, although she realised she must have gone slightly crazy from everything as she was having conversations with herself in her mind.

She lay back on her bed. Maybe she should sleep. She had been through enough that day. Hermione didn't really feel like she wanted to go to the welcoming feast, even though as Head Girl, her presence was mandatory.

She closed her eyes and breathed in slowly through her nose. She felt herself slowly drifting further and further away from reality. Unconsciousness was easing into her mind. All her thoughts jumbling together and making no sense. She needed sleep. Sleep would get rid of all her worries.

*BANG

Hermione fell out of the bed. Her bed cover was rumpled and she realised that she had fallen asleep. Rubbing the sleep out of her eyes, she tried to remember what she had been dreaming about. However, the dream was rapidly fading from her mind. She then heard loud knocking coming from downstairs.

"Hermione, where were you?" Harry looked worried as she let him and Ron into the dormitory.

"What d'you mean?"

"You missed the welcoming feast." Ron informed her and her eyes widened. How had she managed to sleep that long.

"Why didn't you guys wake me?" she asked them still amazed that she had crashed out for that long.

"We couldn't. We were already inside the hall when we realised that you were nowhere in sight. The feast just finished and Dumbledore told us to tell you to go to his office." Harry watched as she ran to her room and retrieved her wand.

"Oh no! I'm late!" she squealed, "He's going to kill me."

"Slowly down 'Mione. Dumbledore knows that you would never be deliberately late for something. Which reminds me, why _were_ you late?" Harry wondered.

"I, um, I fell asleep." She told him quickly and ushered them both out of the common room. She bid them a quick goodbye and ran off. She could hear them laughing behind her but she ignored them. She couldn't believe that she had missed the feast. Wow, that was unbelievable and she was sure that Dumbledore would be angry at her about that.

When she arrived at the stone gargoyle marking Dumbledore's office, she muttered the password 'Caramel kiss' and entered. She felt her heart race as the spiral staircase move up towards the door. Her palms were sweat and she was sure that the sudden humidity she felt around her was making her hair frizz even more.

"Enter." She heard the wizard's voice from the other side of the door, and she took a deep breath calming her nerves before complying.

"Professor, I'm so sorry I missed the feast. It wasn't intentional at all, I swe-"

"Please take a seat."

Hermione approached the desk and only then realised that there were two seats in front of the headmaster instead of one. Curiously, she approached the chair he had motioned to and looked to see who was occupying the other one. Once she placed eyes on the chairs occupant, she gasped.

"You! What are you doing here? She hissed.

"Miss Granger, please take a seat. I will explain everything."

Hermione bit back anything she could have said and tore her eyes away from the person next to her. She sat quietly down in her large, comfy chair and glared at Dumbledore.

"Miss Granger, I would like you to meet this year Head Boy. Your partner running the school."

"But surely professor, you must have made a mistake. He is all wrong for the part," she fought to keep her voice under control when all she wanted to do was scream at the obviously delusional wizard in front of her, "Look at him, he hasn't got any leadership skills."

"I run my entire house, idiot. They worship me and do what I say." He growled.

"Miss Granger I assure you that this is the only candidate who is suitable for Head Boy." Dumbledore insisted, the twinkle in his eye un-miss able.

"What about Harry?"

"Potter? You have got to be kidding me. That kid spends more time saving the world than in actual school and you want him to run it?"

"What about Ron?"

"Weasley is a wuss. He doesn't even know the meaning of being assertive which is a trait the Head Boy needs."

"What about Neville?" Hermione was almost pleading now. She kept her eyes on the professor throughout this whole exchange, refusing to look at the male next to her.

"You're kidding right? Longbottom. Granger, if you think Longbottom is perfect for Head Boy then you're a bigger idiot than I thought."

"Professor. _Anyone_ is better than this coccydynia." Hermione spat.

"Ok, enough. Miss Granger my decision is final. He is as much perfect for Head Boy as you are for Head Girl. Im not going to change my mind. You two will need to find a way to work together or I will strip you of your titles. Is that understood?" Dumbledore asked sternly and they both agreed.

Hermione couldn't believe her luck. Of all the boys in 7th year, she had to be partnered up with this poor excuse of a human being. If this year hadn't started badly before, it sure had now. There was no way she could stand do share a dormitory with him.

"Now about your duties as heads of Hogwarts. You will both patrol the school every night, to make sure no one is out after curfew. You will run the prefect meetings. You will also need to organise three balls this year. A Christmas one; a Valentines day one and a graduating one for your year." Dumbledore informed them cheerily and watched as they absorbed all the information in. Hopefully, the chance that he was taking by making both of them heads would pay off and wouldn't end in disaster. He had taken a gamble; now let's see how well it would play out.

"That is all for now. Miss Granger will show you were the Heads Common Room is. Goodnight."

Hermione stood up numbly. This was going to be one long year. And if the pain inside didn't kill her she was sure that he would.

"Well go on Granger. Show me the way."

"Shut up and follow me Malfoy." She spat acidly.

**A/N: So did you like it? I told you there would be more action in this chapter. Hopefully, from here on in there will be even more things. So please leave a comment and tell me what you think. It's no fun writing for a non-existent audience…**

**xoxo **


	5. First 5 Minutes With Malfoy

**A/N: Yes yes, I know that I took a very long time to reply. Things have been slightly crazy at home right now and not in the good way either. Also because of writers block I lost motivation to write. I am not sure about how happy I am with the way this chapter turned out. I decided that since I had half of it written I might as well finish it, maybe my writers block will disappear once I get back to my stories. Sorry if it sounds a little rushed/disconnected. **

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***YoungNotUseless: Im glad you enjoyed the chapter. So sorry for taking so long to update. I am currently in the middle of a deadly bout of writers block. Hope you enjoy this chapter. **

***cookiedough330: Wow, thank you. That means a lot to me. It's nice things like that that make me want to write. Enjoy the chapter.**

***ajerickson21: That's fantastic. Thanks for reading. Enjoy this chapter now. **

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**DISCLAIMER: I really wished that Harry Potter was all mine, then maybe I would have enough money to update my wardrobe, make up, and shoes as I am currently in desperate need of an updated winter look. But sadly no, nothing from the Harry Potter universe is mine. It is all the property of the vastly talented J. K. Rowling. **

"Hurry up Granger. I haven't got all day!"

"Were almost there Malfoy. Quit whining like a baby!"

"I'm not whining. And you're one to talk! That pout hasn't left your face since we departed from Dumbledore's office. Better get used to it Granger. You're stuck with me."

Hermione chose to say nothing to that. She was over hearing Malfoy's voice. She couldn't understand how it was possible that he had been made Head Boy. It didn't make any sense. Sure, he was only second to her in every class, but being 'Head Boy' was more than just getting good marks. Then again, the only reason she was chosen for this role was that she was the top student in her year.

"So, Granger, how were your holidays?" She could hear the smirk in his voice.

"Fine." She replied, tensely. What was he playing at?

"Oh well, that's good," she looked at him sceptically, "I had heard some rumours. You know. About how you were attacked by death eaters at your house. As a result, your parents were killed and you were, in turn, almost killed by the Dark Lord himself. But if your holidays were '_fine_', then I guess I misheard."

Hermione fought to keep her face neutral. She was not going to break down in front of him and give him the satisfaction of getting to her. She had known this would happen. After all, she had no doubt that his father was one of the death eaters involved in the attack. She had hoped though, that the death of Lucius Malfoy might have knocked him off whatever pedestal he was on.

"We're here." Hermione whispered, still fighting to keep back the tears that threatened to spill.

"Well, come on then, what's the bloody password?"

"Granger. How nice to see you again." Derek replied when he spotted the head girl.

"Be quiet. Im not in the mood for you."

"Be quiet? Why were you quiet before? No, you were wailing and screaming for hours inside the common room." The boy in the painting smirked.

Hermione glanced in horror at Malfoy to see if he had heard. She averted her eyes quickly when she saw he was looking at her confused. He _had_ heard. She felt him step up beside her and turn to the painting.

"Im Draco Malfoy, Head Boy."

"And I am Derek Miller; Male; 17 years old; Leo; I like long walks on the beach; Italian cuisine-"

"Merinthophobia." Hermione whispered and the portrait swung open cutting off whatever else Derek had to say.

Hermione quickly stepped inside the doorway. She needed to get away from both Malfoy and the stupid, conceited portrait. How dare he bring what had occurred up. Also, what the hell was he doing eavesdropping on what she was doing? Hadn't he heard of privacy? Inside she was fuming. Her hands began to tremble and tears stung her eyes at the obvious invasion of privacy that had occurred.

"Oi! Granger. I expect you to answer me when I ask you something." Malfoy's cruel, cutting voice broke through her thoughts stopping her dead in her tracks.

She could feel him standing behind her, not too far away. His eyes burning holes through the back of her head. But she couldn't, wouldn't face him. Her blood was running cold through her veins. She realised that it was ridiculous. Her reaction was totally uncalled for, but this was what Malfoy did to her. He made her crazy, and not in the good way.

"Malfoy, I couldn't care less if you asked me something. I honestly don't care when you do or don't talk. Im going to my room now. Don't bother me if you know what is good for you." She replied, in the most robotic, monotonous tone that she could master.

Quickly she ran up the stairs and walked inside the spacious room. Remembering to lock both the door to leading back to the common room and the door to the bathroom, Hermione flung herself onto her bed. She inhaled the floral scent of the comforter, trying to suppress the pain in her heart that was bubbling up to the surface. She tried taking deep breathes, in and out; inhale, exhale.

"Why me? Why did I have to be the one stuck with the ferret?" she whispered into the air turning to look at her ceiling.

"Granger open the door now!" Malfoy roared banging angrily on the door.

Hermione sighed, trying to get herself in check again. Should she open it? Alternatively, maybe she should just leave him there. It wasn't as if it would make a difference, he would just yell at her for walking away from him previously. Well, he could do that through the door. Quickly she cast a spell making the room sound proof, and she could no longer hear either his yelling of the banging on the door. All that remained to show he was still outside was the trembling of the door.

Why was this happening? Hermione pulled her knees up to her chest. Why did Malfoy have to become head boy? They had barely been inside the Head Common Room for five minutes and they were already fighting, she was locking inside her room, and Malfoy was banging on her door with all his might as if his life depended on it. This was not going to be a good year.

She let out a strangled laugh. Not _going_ to be a good year. As opposed to how great everything had been going until this point.

Thoughts of her parents slowly came into her thoughts again. Hermione tried not to think, she looked around the room trying to find something that might offer a good source of distraction. Everything appeared useless though. By then it was too late. Images of her mother and her father clouded her vision.

Hermione didn't know where the memory came from. It wasn't something that she had previously thought about often. It was Christmas, and she was roughly 6 or 7. That year her parents had decided to spend it overseas. Hermione had felt extra excited since they had allowed her to choose their destination. For reasons unknown to her now, she had picked Australia. It seemed like the perfect place to go. In addition, she had never experience Christmas in summer before. Once they arrived in Australia Hermione had gazed in amazement at everything around her. People were walking around wearing summer clothing; everywhere she looked, she could see children with ice cream in their hands. She grinned as the ice cream melted and ran down the kids hands while their parents scrambled to find tissues to clean the mess up. Hermione was too young to remember all the details of the trip clearly. She could still see the sun high above in the sky, the crystal clear water on Christmas day as people crowded the sand in the thousands to avoid the sweltering heat. There was one thing that she remembered clearly though.

*FLASHBACK*

"_Mummy I don't want to leave yet!" a young Hermione whined, trying to pull her mum back towards the water. _

_Her big brown eyes pleaded silently with the tall woman before her, yet her mother didn't relent. They had to leave, it was time to go back home. _

"'_Hermione, sweetie, you know we can't stay any longer. Besides your dad is already packing everything up from the hotel. You know how grumpy he will get after putting everything away only to learn that we are staying longer." The elder Granger smiled down at her little daughter who was still tugging on her hand. _

"_But mummy!" _

"_How about this, we will come back here, for Christmas, once you finish high school. Consider it a graduation present. How does that sound?" _

_Hermione grinned but didn't say anything. Her mind was already working on plans about what she would do on her next trip. Oh, she didn't think she could wait that long. To a young girl high school seemed hundreds of years away. She would wait though, as patiently as she could._

* END FLASHBACK*

The scene dissolved. Hermione was on her bed crying. The trip back to Australia was supposed to occur once she finished Hogwarts. Now it was not going to happen at all. There was no point in her going there alone. No, it was supposed to be a special vacation. One where she could relax and enjoy the sun. Her and her parents has discussed it a few times and they had decided that they would caravan around the whole country, that way they could enjoy everything it had to offer.

She was only distinctly aware that Malfoy was still pounding on the door. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she was outstounded that he was still at it. Shouldn't he have gotten tired by now? Wasn't his hand throbbing, if not bleeding, from all the banging? However, all that was pushed away as a dark idea came to her.

Hermione didn't know why she did it. The first time was by accident and the second time she didn't realise it was occurring. Now though it was different, she was aware enough of everything that she knew what she was doing. Half her mind was screaming for her to stop moving. There was no need for her to grab her wand and unlock the door to the bathroom. There was no point in walking inside the gigantic space and head to her side of the room. The other half though was encouraging her. Hermione couldn't understand it. She wasn't sure she wanted to pull through with it; it was more curiosity that was motivating her now. She was wondering what it would feel like if she did pull through with it fully conscious of everything that was going on. Would it hurt? Would it alleviate the pain? Would it stop the voices inside? What was going to happen, she didn't know.

She picked up the blade and placed it on her bare arm. She was hesitating. She didn't think she could do it again knowingly. She took a deep breath, and tried again. Again, her hand faltered. She screamed out in frustration. What was wrong with her? She glanced at the razor; it lay there in her hands waiting to be used; albeit not for what she is using it for.

Hermione paced the floor. She glanced in the mirror and saw her tear stained face. Everything was wrong with the image. Her eyes were puffy from all the tears they had unleashed. Her nose sore from continuously being wiped. Her cheeks stained pink from the exertion of said crying. Her face appeared hollow. True she had lost some weight since the incidents, it wasn't intentionally but she had lost her appetite. Now, as she continued looking at herself, she realised that she didn't quite recognise the girl before her. She was a stranger.

She raised the razor to her eyes, twisting and turning it, making it glisten. She didn't think; there was really no need to think about it. She knew what was about to happen. As she pulled it across the pale skin, she couldn't help but wince. She could feel it this time; it hurt pleasantly.

"Granger! What the hell are you doing?" Growled the last voice in the world she wanted to hear.

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**A/N: Well…? What did you think? I would really love to know. Just leave me a quick review telling me if you loved it or hated it, criticism is always welcome. I hope that I can get the next chapter up soon. I will try not to take as long this time.**

**Take care,**

**Xoxoxox**


	6. Inner Turmoil

***Lil Silly Annie: Your review made me so happy. Im glad that you are finding Hermione realistic. I was worried that she would sound too OC in this story. Well, in honour of your kind words, this chapter is dedicated to you. Tell me what you think!**

**DISCLAIMER: It would be fantastic to own Harry Potter; but alas, I do not. It is the property of the one and only J. K. Rowling.**

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**_CHAPTER 6: Inner Turmiol_**

Her eyes opened up until they resembled twenty cent coins. She dropped the razor as her breath caught into her throat. She was trapped, like a deer caught in the headlights. She didn't know what to do. The rational part of her brain was too busy chastising her to offer any helpful suggestions to what to say or do to cover up her actions. She still avoided looking at the outraged blonde boy at the door. She couldn't face him, not like this. How was she going to explain herself?

Hermione just stood there numbly, acutely aware of the red liquid trailing down her hand. She felt the wound throbbing, pumping more blood out. It felt sadistically good to her. Hermione couldn't explain it, and she wasn't sure that she wanted to think about it long enough to understand it. All that mattered was that it brought on relief- much needed relief. She knew that it wasn't healthy, but what was healthy in her life now? She had no parents. The father of the very guy who was glaring at her had raped her multiple times. He and his _mates_ had torn her apart. She couldn't close her eyes without seeing their faces looming over her. She felt them dragging her to the bed and then the rope fastened to her hands and feet. She felt the rough texture rubbing her skin raw as she struggled to get away.

"Granger." Malfoy growled again.

She heard him approaching still not moving. It was completely un-Hermione like to just stand there vulnerable with Malfoy in such close proximity. She couldn't bring her feet to move. They felt heavy as lead, her head felt fuzzy. All the while, the blood still ran out of her wound. Although it had decreased in its quantity, there was still enough pouring out of her to create a small puddle around her feet.

Something within her snapped the moment she felt icy fingertips on her arm. With a much stronger shove then she knew herself capable of she set Malfoy flying to the other side of the bathroom. Quickly she strolled to the door leading to her room. She grabbed her wand and cleaned up her arm completely exhausted.

Hermione smiled as she lay down on the bed. It had worked; again. She didn't feel completely overwhelmed by everything that was going on. She felt almost normal. Sure, she still felt pain for her parents, and anger about what had happened to her. Yet the strong desire to burst was quenched for the moment. Hermione Granger had found her salvation.

"What in Merlins beard was that?" Malfoy appeared in the doorway to the bathroom. Hermione mentally cursed herself for forgetting to close and lock it.

"What was what ferret boy?" She looked at him lazily. Let him think that he had imagined the whole thing. Hermione couldn't risk him running his mouth about what he had seen.

"You know exactly what I am talking about Granger," he fumed, face turning red, "For future reference, can you refrain from trying to off yourself in my bathroom."

She let out a strangled laugh. It started as a laugh then turned into a cough. All the while Malfoy just glared at her. She couldn't believe that he thought she was trying to kill herself. As is she would sink that low. It was insane.

_Says the girl who takes pleasure in cutting herself_, the voice in her mind pipped up.

"Malfoy you are delusional if you think I would let you off that easy. No buddy, you are stuck with me for our last year at Hogwarts. Whether you like it or not. Now disappear before I hex you into oblivion. That is after I disfigure your face permanently. Come to think of it, anything I do will definitely be an improvement to what's already there." She smirked shooing him out of the room; closing and locking the door behind her.

She lay back down on her bed, sinking into the softness of it, relishing its warmth and comfort. She couldn't fathom what was becoming of her. Her mind wasn't able to comprehend what she was doing to cope with the pain. She had never thought of herself as someone capable of self harm. She had never known that she would ever sink that low in the pit of despair. Hermione had always been the girl who could get through anything. Her escape from the world, when everything became too hard, was reading and in general knowledge. Everytime her parents got in an argument she would grab one of her favourite muggle books and leave her reality behind, submerging into the universe of the book. At Hogwarts, each time she, Harry and Ron got into a fight she would run off into the library. It was here escape. Books had always been loyal to her and had helped her through many a tough time. Now, try as she might, she couldn't concentrate. Every single time she picked up a book to read she felt her mind wander. She struggled to read the set list of books for the year, and everytime she walked into the library she no longer felt drawn to the ancient tomes on the shelves. Instead, she just wondered around aimlessly, grabbing books from the shelf out of habit rather than desire to read them.

Harry and Ron had no idea that she felt like this. Each time they entered the library looking for her they found her surrounded by books. They would roll their eyes as _'their Hermione'_ never changed, she still would rather spend her time with books rather than people. Well, if only they knew. However, she wasn't going to tell them. Harry had enough on his plate at the moment worrying about dear ol' Voldy, and Ron was equally distracted by the upcoming battle and not to mention Quidditch. Hermione, therefore, was left to suffer alone.

Several hours later Hermione realised she wasn't going to be getting any sleep that night, so she grabbed her cloak and exited the common room as quietly as she could. Maybe some fresh air would help settle her thoughts. She wondered whether she should go visit the Gryffindor common room. She didn't think Harry or Ron were sleeping yet. It would be just like them to stay up well into the morning the day before their classes started. Well she wouldn't comfort them when they start complaining that they are tired tomorrow at breakfast.

Weaving her way through the never ending corridors as Hogwarts, she began ascending the stairs to the common room. Her mind wondered how many people would be awake. She wasn't in the mood she be stared at, and she knew that almost everyone had heard about what had occurred. Maybe they didn't know the details, but they knew the gist that death eaters had killed her parents and that even Voldemort had made a cameo during this killing in his attempt to rid Harry Potter of his beloved mudblood.

"Hermione!" a loud screech and blur of red hair tackled the young woman.

Hermione laughed as Ginny held onto her for dear life. The youngest Weasley was too busy crying tears of happiness and sorrow into the girls shoulder to notice Hermione laughing.

"How are you?" She finally asked stepping away and taking in the Head Girl before her. Instantly her eyes became slits, "Why are you laughing at me? I was worried sick about you! But you know my parents, not to mention Harry. Everyone realised that Lord I-don't-brush-my teeth, sorry, Voldemort, was trying to take out everyone that was important to Harry. Therefore I wasn't allowed out of the house, unless I had either a brother, parent or Harry with me. Which sucked majorly, and you know, it did wonders to my social life. 'Mione, why are you looking at me like that?"

"It's good to see you Gin." Hermione replied finally.

The red head before her wasn't satisfied. She kept scrutinising Hermione, a deep frown set in her forehead. Hermione kept her face clear, maintaining her smile. There was no possible way that Ginny could have figured out what she had just been up to. Her face wasn't giving her away, and she was sure that Malfoy hadn't left the common room.

"How are you? Really."

"I've been better Gin," Hermione sighed, "Its not easy, I'll tell you that. But im dealing. Day by day."

Ginny visibly untensed, only her eyes betrayed that she didn't think Hermione was telling her the whole truth. Nevertheless she wasn't about to depress her friend anymore.

"That reminds me, what are you doing out so late? Shouldn't you be in bed, sleeping?" Ginny asked Hermione.

"Yes, but I couldn't sleep. Besides, I never got a chance to see you at the feast. So I was coming to see you. The real question is where were you going miss?"

Ginny just laughed, her face turning slightly red. She avoided Hermione's eyes and mumbled something about going to the kitchens to get something to eat. Hermione though knew that she was probably going to meet a lover boy somewhere in the castle. She tried to feel angry at this but she was feeling increasingly fatigued. All this pretend cheer was catching up to her and all she wanted to do was go to bed.

"Well then I shouldn't be holding you up. I'll see you in the morning. 'Night Ginny." Hermione turned away from the confused 6th year.

She was sure that Ginny had expected her to yell or march her back inside chastising her about what she had been planning on doing. Hermione didn't feel up to it. Part of her was glad that at least Ginny wasn't letting the fear of the impending battle suppress her. Most people were too scared to do anything. Before the _incident,_ Hermione was constantly reading stories in the Daily Prophet that people didn't leave their house. Many muggle born witches and wizards had ended up starving at home from fear of what would happen when they walked outside. It sounded crazy, that people would have that much fear inside them, but Hermione now could relate. She hadn't been careful at all. She hadn't thought about what would happen to her, or her parents, if Voldemorts supporters found them. And she had almost paid with her life.

Slowly she made it back to her room. She wasn't looking forward to tomorrow at all. Everyone looking at her, whispering about _poor Hermione Granger_. She was sure that rumours were already circulating about what had happened. Her absence from the welcoming feast was sure to have guaranteed that.

Rolling over she looked outside the window at the dark sky. Stars were spotted here and there, disrupting the endless black. Silently she prayed that the nightmares wouldn't come today. Maybe if she wished it enough she would not dream any dreams for the remainder of the night. Slowly she felt her eyes close, succumbing to her exhaustion finally. And before she knew it, she found herself back at her house with her parents.

* * *

**A/N: Review review review! Chapter 7 is ¾ complete, so it should be up soon. It all depends on how many reviews I get though. Therefore, it's in your hands if it's posted sooner rather than later. **

**Take care**


	7. Trapped In A Nightmare

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Harry Potter, or any part of the wonderful wizard world. The amazing J.K. Rowling owns all this. **

*** Lil Silly Annie: You are most welcome, im really sorry that this 7****th**** chapter has taken me such a long time to write (if you are interested in the reason why just read my authors note, if not ignore **** ) I hope you enjoy it. Your comments make me so much more happy then you will understand. Thank you for taking the time to read my story. Im going to try and avoid making her sound too angst, but I need to play through all the emotions going through her at the moment and really make people understand her state of mind and why she is doing what she is doing. Once I have that completed, I will try to lighten up the story just enjoy to not make it overbearing for my readers. **

*** asian book worm: I'm glad you think so. Writing about such a hard, psychological issue is quite difficult. And it is a subject matter that needs to be dealt with delicately. It pleases me greatly that you think it is being executed honestly and realistically. Thank you, hope you enjoy this next chapter. **

*** voldyismyfather: I completely agree. Thanks for reviewing. Enjoy the chapter.**

**I should stress that cutting yourself isn't right, and I DO NOT condone doing it. If you or anyone you know is partaking in this dangerous act then you should talk to someone who can help you. It isn't safe, and you shouldn't be hurting yourself. If you are cutting, please get some help. **

_**CHAPTER 7**_**: Trapped In a Nightmare **

"_Mum, dad? What am I doing here? What are you doing here?" Hermione asked the two adults before her. Neither gave any sign that they had heard her. They didn't stop what they were doing so Hermione tried again._

_She walked up to her mum who was busy preparing dinner._

"_Mum, mummy? Why aren't you talking? Why are you ignoring me?"_

_Again, nothing happened. Hermione was amazed that not even her mum's eyes moved the slightest. Changing tactic she walked to where her dad was already sitting drinking his afternoon coffee._

"_Why isn't mum talking to me? What did I do now? Please tell me she isn't angry with me coming home late last night. I had already explained to you that I was going to stay back and help clean up. Moreover, you guys both agreed that is fine. It's not my fault that it took so long!" Hermione tried to keep her voice in check. _

_Her dad didn't even blink and eyelid. What the hell was the matter with them? Why were they acting this way? Hermione couldn't understand what was wrong with both of them. She tried to think about what could probably be annoying them to such a degree that they didn't even want to speak to her or to even acknowledge her presence. _

"_Mum, is dinner ready?" a voice called out, rushing down the stairs._

"_Hermione sweetie, you know that it will be another half hour till everything is done." Her mother laughed, leaving Hermione confused._

_She hadn't spoken._

_Hearing an exaggerated groan from the doorway Hermione spun around and chocked back a scream. She was standing in the doorway in her red and blue pj's. What? How? What!_

_Nothing was making sense at that moment. _

"_You actually said that an hour ago, so spill. What did you do?" the other Hermione laughed opening the oven._

"_For your information everything is going fine, I _didn't_ burn the food this time I promise, I just felt like adding a few more things to the dish. That's all." Her mother added laughing her melodic laugh. Her husband glanced at her over his paper, a smile playing on his lips. The other Hermione looked at both her parents with such love and admiration that the real one felt tears well up in her eyes._

_Hermione stood there taking in the scene before her with amazement. Her mind hadn't yet come around to the realisation that it wasn't possibly real. Instead, a hundred other thoughts passed through her mind including that she had gone back to the past. Not once did the fact that she could be dreaming dawn on her. _

_A loud crash from upstairs made the three Grangers glance up. Hermione rolled her eyes and muttered something about Crookshanks and his wild antics destroying everything in their house. Her mother returned to her cooking and her dad to his paper. Everything was going along its normal routine. The sweet aroma of the dinner wafted to Hermione's nose and she went to eagerly peak at the food again._

"_Hermione!" Chastised her mother, "Get the table ready. Come on. I can't do everything you know."_

_As Hermione turned to get the utensils, the figures appeared. Cloaked in black with their faces hidden behind masks Hermione recognised them instantly. She called out for both her parents to run, hide; do anything. It was too late by then. In just a matter of seconds, the figures were overpowering the three figures in front of her. In a frightening realisation, Hermione understood that she was reliving the incident that robbed her of her parents. Unlike when it actually had happened this time, she didn't hesitate to react. _

_She ran head on towards the nearest death eater, but her attempts her futile. She walked right through them. She had no substance; she couldn't help them._

"_Let them go!" She screeched. The other Hermione raised her head in response. She held her breath. Was it possible that these people can hear her? No, that was impossible. This was a dream. A very real, very frightening dream. And one that she didn't feel she could escape from. _

_Hermione stood there feeling powerless. She tried to get these people to let her parents go. Again though, her arms passed right through them. She screamed out in frustration. There was nothing she could do but watch a replay of that night. She tried to close her eyes and ears to the violence that was occurring right in front of her very eyes. _

_Her parent were pulled away from the kitchen and thrown roughly onto the living room floor. Her mother curled up in a ball crying, while her father reached out for his daughter. The nearest masked man kicked him roughly and blood began spurting out of his face. Hermione cringed in when this happened and the Death Eater holding her tightened his grip. She struggled to break free. She was calling out to her parents. _

"_Crucio!" Someone pointed their wand at Hermione's mum, and called out in a sing-song voice. _

_The woman on the floor began writhing around violently. She was thrashing all over the place while scream after scream burst out of her. Never before had Hermione heard her mother scream like that and it chilled her to the bone. Still feeling helpless Hermione didn't know what to do to help her parents, or to get her out of her current situation. She sunk back into a corner and wrapped her arms around herself, trying to shut off the screaming coming from in front of her. _

_Maybe if she closed her eyes she could wish herself to be in another place. Somewhere far away from where she was. Maybe if she thought about the beach or Hogwarts' library she could magically appear there. _

_She shut her eyes as tightly as she could. She forced out any sound that was echoing all around her from disruption her thoughts. She repeated over and over again, both in her head and aloud '_I'm at Hogwarts, in the library. Books, volumes upon volumes of old tomes as far as the eye can see, surround me. I am about to hear the bell signalling for the start of that days classes. Harry and Ron are going to accuse me of spending all of my time in the library. They are going to say it's unhealthy. I'm going to ignore them. I'm at Hogwarts, in the library. Books, volumes upon volumes of old tomes….'

_It was working; she knew it was, because everything around her had gone silent. Save for that annoying and persistent crying. Hermione wished it would stop. She didn't want it to keep distracting her from her current mission. But the crying didn't cease, it just intensified. She heard shuffling around and some laughter, but she still didn't open her eyes to see what was going on. Although she was sure that she could guess. _

"_NO!"A helpless shriek broke the silence and Hermione's eyes shot open, and she sunk onto the floor as she watched herself get pushed and pulled up the stairs by no less that a dozen death eaters. _

Hermione sat bolt upright in bed. She was soaked head to toe in cold sweat, making her clothing stick to her skin. She sighed and fell back onto the soft covers. Her heart beat frantically, threatening to smash right out of her chest. She tried breathing in and out in a slow, rhythmic pattern; hopefully this will calm her down. She thought that the nightmares would have stopped by now. The last one she had was over a week ago. Then again, it wasn't as if she had slept much these passed few weeks.

"Granger open up!"

She almost fell out of her bed the moment Malfoy began beating on her door. She scrambled, frantically, to set her sweat-soaked clothing and shocked expression straight. The last thing she wanted was for Malfoy to come in here and see that 'poor little Hermione Granger had had a nightmare'. She didn't want him seeing her when she was so weak. He would never let her live it down.

The banging on the door continued. She was sure that if he really wanted to he would be able to break down the door, or maybe unlock it using magic. This incessant beating on it was probably for his own amusement. He must know how uncomfortable it made her feel and how helpless.

She curled up in a ball, the dream vivid behind her shut eyes. The fear she felt from that night overwhelming her, drawing her into a deep hole of dark despair. A loud crash broke through her muddled thoughts. What was that? Where did it come from? Why was it here? Nothing was really making sense to her in that moment. She could still here her mothers final screams as she succumbed to the cruciatious.

"Granger!" Malfoy's voice was very distant and she paid no heed to its alarm. She pulled her knees even closer to her chest.

"Come on, get up. Gotta get you to the hospital wing, now." She felt his arms slither around her shoulders and under her knees. As surprising as it was she didn't resist. She was still unable to escape from the horror of reliving her dream.

She was bumping uncomfortably in Malfoys arms as he ran along corridor after corridor trying to get her to the infirmary. She was acutely aware of him whispering something under his breath. She wanted to say something, or maybe do something to show him that she was actually ok and that she didn't need to go to the infirmary but no sound was coming out of her mouth.

"Madam Pomfrey!" She whimpered against his chest, she looked up and saw a flinch at her action. A blush spread over her face as she realised what she had done.

"Mr. Malfoy? What is-What happened?"

"She was screaming bloody murder and I was worried something was happening. So I thought she had better stay here for a little while. You know, make sure she is truly fine."

"Yes, yes. Good thinking Mr. Malfoy. Just place you on that bed there, and I will bring her a sleeping potion, to ease her slumber tonight." The woman motioned him over to an empty bed before disappearing from view.

Hermione broke out of her shock as soon as Malfoy released her onto the bed. She swung her red, bloodshot eyes towards him as he smirked her way. She realised that he was secretly pleased by what had happened. It was almost as if she could see the inner workings of his mind. She knew he would use this as blackmail. He would find some reason to use tonight's actions against her and there would be nothing she could do to stop him.

"Well Granger, sweet dreams." He whispered before walking away.

She didn't get a chance to reply as Madam Pomfrey reappeared in just that moment and started chastising the girl for not coming to her sooner. Hermione was only mildly aware of the praise that the woman was giving the '_handsome and brave_' Mr. Malfoy for his quick thinking in bringing her hear. Well, if only the naïve woman knew what was hidden behind his beautiful face, and the evil plan that was coming together in his mind just that very moment. If she knew then she wouldn't be praising him. No, no. she would be reporting him to Dumbledore and having him thrown out of Hogwarts once and for all.

But Hermione couldn't open her mouth up and say anything like that. No, she just had to wait and see what was going to happen tomorrow, when Harry and Ron came running into the infirmary demanding to know what happened and why Malfoy, or all people, brought her there in the middle of the night. Then once again, Hermione would have to go back to assuring them that she was fine, and that they didn't need to worry about her. So much for her breezing by easily through her last year at Hogwarts.

Slowly she began to feel the effects of the sleeping draft she was given, and for once Hermione was glad for magically potions. She needed sleep for the days ahead and she would take it in any form it was given to her. Whether it be a potion, a knock to the head rendering her unconscious, anything. Just as long as she got her required 8 hrs a night.

**A/N: Ok, now I know that a lot of people are really annoyed with me due to not having updated this story for over a year; but there was a reason for this. I know that may of you want really care about this but I feel that I should tell you so that you know I didn't intentionally abandon this story and that I do have plans to continue with it. **

**Last year my parents separated it, and it has become really hard for my family now. Its just me and my mum and financially things aren't looking good. I've had to spend all of my free time that im not at uni working. So therefore I haven't had any time for anything else. And to be quite honest, I haven't been in the mood to write for well over a year now. This may seem like a stupid excuse for why I haven't updated this story for so long, but it is the truth. It has been a hard year, with many ups and downs. Lots of crying and breakdowns, but although this are still quite hard I'm working on trying to improve life for my family. Now I should mention that I'm not telling you all this to gain your sympathy or pity, nor to bring attention to myself and situation. I am merely letting all the people that follow this story and wan to read what I write the true nature of my absence from fan fiction for so long. And I just hope that you will all stick with me, and this story till the end.**

**Well, now that that is out of the way. Please review this chapter. To me it seems slightly rushed, but that is because it has been written in sections over the past year or so. Tell me whether you like it, hate it, what can be improved etc. all the comments people leave mean the world to me, and they bring happiness and light to an otherwise hard reality.**

**Enjoy, and take care**

**Suzi, xoxoxo**


	8. You Ain't Got No Right

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Harry Potter, I wish I did though. Maybe then I would have enough money to not only buy a yacht, a car and a gigantic jumping castle, but I would also have enough money to buy all my required uni books.

*** Hippy-Kimi: I am definitely continuing it. It is a very important story to me, and very person. I hope you are enjoying it so far, and I apologise for making everyone wait so long between updates. Thank you for the review. Take Care Xoxox**

_**CHAPTER EIGHT: YOU AINT GOT NO RIGHT**_

Hermione spent the rest of the night enjoying a dreamless slumber. She was floating in nothingness. It wasn't a black nothingness, it was more like a night sky with various fireworks bursting in front of her eyes. Wherever she was though, all that mattered was that she was comfortable. She didn't want to leave. Not for many hours more. She wasn't sure whether she would be able to come back to this nothingness again. And that thought scared her more than anything else.

Slowly, when the first rays of light hit her face she found herself unable to hold onto her dreamless sleep. As consciousness slowly dawned on her the horror of last night broke though.

Although slightly fragmented, most of the events that took place yesterday brought warning red flags to her mind. Of them all the most dangerous was Malfoy.

That ferret boy had once again witnessed her breakdown, albeit he couldn't possible know that full extent of what had been going on in her dream. But he had acted as her 'saviour' and that wasn't something he was going to admit he did out of the goodness of his heart. No he had some ulterior motives. For this she was sure.

She wasn't allowed to ponder this any longer as two frantic figures with wild hair and ruffles clothing broke into the infirmary. As madam Pomfrey rushed out of her bed chamber, both boys ignored her and headed straight for the only occupied bed in the room.

"What happened?"

"What did he do?"

Both boys began speaking in unison. Hermione rearranged her amused features before answering any of their incessant questions.

"Harry! Ronald!" she called out and both boys finally shut their mouths. "Honestly, if you want anything that you ask me answered you both will have to give me the chance to speak."

She noted with pleasure that both boys had the decency to turn their heads down, properly reprimanded.

"Now to answer your original questions of what happened and what did he do? I'm assuming that you are speaking of Malfoy. Honestly, both of you. Do you honestly think that if he attempted anything that _I _would be the one in the hospital wing and not him? I can tell you that he didn't do anything. I was just having a rough night. And I preferred to have a Dreamless Draught to help me."

As she spoke she wasn't the least surprised that neither boy seemed to buy her story. After all, it was the equivalent of Harry saying that he only had a small headache that an aspirin could cure. They knew she was lying, but they also knew that it would be unwise to push her. After all, they didn't want to break her any further.

"'Mione, if you're sure that it's nothing then were just happy that you took the initiative to get some help to allow you to rest." Harry said as he watched her intensely.

Although Hermione herself matched his stare and smiled back without flinching once. She wondered about his choice of words. It was as though he was hinting that maybe someone had seen her carried down by Malfoy. No, not possible. They would have said something if that was the case. Maybe, quite possibly, she was reading to much into this.

Hermione decided that the smartest thing she could do that moment was just remain quiet and allow Harry to show his cards. If he was hinting at something then she knew he wouldn't be able to refrain from saying it. Especially something about Malfoy.

Instead, both boys decided to drop the subject and began telling Hermione about life in the Gryffindor common room and how much she was missed.

Laughing with them Hermione actually felt guilty that she hadn't visited more often. After all, she didn't _know _ where she would be without her friends.

Both boys didn't leave until she assured them that she would come down after dinner and spend some time in the common room with them and Ginny. And to be completely honestly, now that she had made the plans she wasn't dreading the thought of human interaction as much as she thought she would be.

She couldn't explain how happy she was about that.

A few minutes after Harry and Ron had left; Madam Pomfrey came to check on her patient. Hermione could tell that she wasn't happy about the way the boys woke her up that morning. Nevertheless, ever the professional, she didn't show any hostility towards Hermione.

"How are you feeling my dear?"

"Better thank you." Hermione kept her voice level.

"Hermione-"

"Madam Pomfrey, I really _am_ fine." She wasn't sure that she would be able to say anything much to convince the mediwitch about how stable she really was, even if it was all an act.

"My dear, I know you are trying to put on a brave front. But if Mr Malfoy was resulted in having you carried into the hospital wind because of nightmare then I am afraid you are not well."

Hermione opened her mouth to say something to counter what was just said, but she couldn't. there was no possible way for her to deny that she was having nightmares and that she actually had some issues that she had to work through. Although she wanted very much for everyone to believe some perfect façade, there were a few people who would prove to be hard to fool.

"I don't want to push you into talking about things that make you uneasy. How 'bout I give you a few days worth of dreamless draught and then we'll go on from there. Maybe a few nights of peaceful rest will help you." Hermione just nodded and soon the mediwitch disappeared from view.

Out of the corner of her eye Hermione saw something move. Whipping her head around she was amazed to wee both Professor Dumbledore and Malfoy entering. One person with a bounce in their step, the other dragging their feet. Hermione just glared at the blond boy as they came to her bed.

"Miss Granger."

"Professor." She replied kindly, waiting to be told why exactly ferret boy was there.

"Now Miss Granger, I was told that last night you had a bit of, shall we say, an accident. And Mr Malfoy here brought you in. now, although he maintains complete innocence and his actions were just him being concerned, Madam Pomfrey isn't convinced. We are here, therefore, to hear from you what transpired."

Hermione watched as the old wizard took the seat previously occupied by Harry. He looked at though he had all the time in the world to just wait for her to either confirm of deny what Malfoy has said. So now she had the power into her own hands.

She moved her eyes slowly to the rigid boy. He was glaring at he over Dumbledore's shoulders. His whole body tense as he waited for her to speak. Looking into his eyes Hermione couldn't discern exactly what he was thinking. All she would see was hate and anger. Although it pained her to back down, she looked away first and focused her attention back to the patient wizard.

"Although everyone has jumped to the worst possible scenario," she began in her sweetest voice possible. "I have to admit that Mr Malfoy is telling the truth. I wasn't well and be brought me down here."

She then looked back at Malfoy and watched as he narrowed his eyes in further anger. He knew, he no longer had the upper hand. Now they were even. And he didn't like it. His entire face spelt out one simple thing: _Game on_.

•

"You know, this year, Quidditch will be even better." Ron said, his eyes sparkling at the thought.

"And why is that? You planning on quitting?" Ginny laughed and threw something at him.

"Why so violent?" he laughed and threw it back at her.

"Hermione, you are quiet. What, quidditch talk not interesting enough for you?" Ron turned to her.

Hermione laughed without really knowing why. Maybe part of her realised the absurdity of the moment, but another part of herself felt content for the first time in many days,

"Shut up Ronald! You know Hermione would rather talk about some knew book that she has just read." Ginny offered and everyone rolled their eyes.

"Talk away about whatever you want." She smiled and fell back into a comfortable quiet, listening to the talking and laughing of their friends, and everyone else around her.

She couldn't believe how fast the day had gone by. After leaving the infirmary, she went back to the common room. She wanted some time alone. Although she wasn't tired, she just wanted a few moments to replay last night. Moreover, she was certain that Malfoy wouldn't be anywhere near there for many hours.

How wrong she was.

The moment she walked out the doors of the Hospital Wind she found none other than the bleach blond snake leaning against the wall.

At first she didn't see him, and it wasn't until he spoke that she realised she wasn't alone.

"So Granger, they realised you? I would have thought that they would have kept you there and studied you." He said lazily.

"Malfoy." She growled.

"Seriously Granger, I have a feeling that if they studied you, then maybe they will finally find out why you always look like you've been electrocuted. I personally don't believe that this much of a mess is normal."

Hermione tried to keep her anger in check. She was not in the mood for anything that this snake had to say.

"Granger, what? You don't have anything to say now. After I brought you down and stopped you hurting yourself." He dropped his voice, and she felt the chill hidden in the depths of his husky voice.

"Malfoy as I recall, I also saved your ass today. One word from me and you would have been kicked out of Hogwarts and in major trouble faster than you could say butterbeer."

"Oh please," he laughed drily, "they couldn't do anything to me because, alas love, I _didn't _touch you."

Hermione chose to ignore him completely now. Maybe when he saw that he wasn't going to get the reaction he wanted from her he would leave and torment someone else. After all, isn't that what bullies usually did when things didn't go according to plan?

"I never realised you could be quiet Granger. I must admit this lack of annoying nothingness that usually spills out of your mouth in refreshing. I was getting tired of always hearing your voice. In every class and everywhere else. Im sure im not the only person cherishing these few silent minutes either." Malfoy mused.

Fuming Hermione bit her tongue as she refrained from speaking. Keeping her face moulded into a mask of perfect indifference, she realised that she was almost at the Heads common room.

"Hmm, I wonder what exactly has caused this change? Maybe something happened. Perhaps I should ask your parents." He laughed and Hermione snapped.

She whirled around and her hair attacked her face painfully in the 180 turn. She walked up to Malfoy and smacked him. Not once, twice. Loud and hard.

Malfoys eyes grew to ten times their size.

"Don't you ever. Ever speak about my parents you bastard. You are not allowed to think about them and you are not allowed to ever refer to them, you dirty their memory. You unworthy piece of wizard."

Malfoy just stood there. Expressionless.

She just continued walking and reached the portrait hole before Malfoy even began moving again.

"Ah, its you again." The portrait moved lazily into the centre.

"I live here idiot." Hermione mumbled, "Merinthophobia."

Walking inside she could hear Derek mumbling something about her but she couldn't care less.

"Granger!" a voice bellowed behind her. Coming to a stop Hermione didn't turn around. She could imagine the look on his face. It would me amusing, but even she knew that laughing at him now would be the dumbest possible thing she could do.

"Granger!" he bellowed again once he had entered the room.

Hermione maintained her position and soon found herself spun around and thrown roughly against the wall.

"How. Dare. You." He breathed, his usually pale face marred by an angry red hand print. "Touch. Me."

Hermione watched, saying nothing as he approached her slowly. He walked towards her as slowly as he could. Almost like a cheetah cornering her prey. Malfoy was the cheetah. She was the prey.

"How are you touch me you filthy contagious mudblood. How dare you lay one disgusting finger on me you _pathetic excuse for a witch_." He was leaning in so close to her that she could feel his breath caressing her face. It tickled and she couldn't suppress a giggle in time. She quickly shut up and didn't miss the icy eyes watching her become even more cold. Malfoy was glaring at her, and if looks alone could kill her, she would have been dead ten times over already.

"Malfoy, step away from me before I repeat my actions." She narrowed her own eyes and match his steely stare, unwavering.

"If you value your life and safety, you wouldn't tempt me Granger." he whispered.

Once again, Hermione didn't think as she raised her hand to hit him. Only this time it was caught in a pale grip before any momentum built up.

Shocked at the icy fingers encircling her wrist. Malfoy himself looked surprised at his actions before a look of disgust crossed his features. Hermione studied his face as an expression she could placed coloured it. She followed his gaze and her eyes also landed on her wrist and to a few tiny silver scars that decorated the delicate skin.

Pulling her hand away she was met with no resistance.

"Well well Granger." Malfoy growled and smirked before walking away leaving the witch gazing after him.

Shit, she thought, he knew. _Damn him and his attention to detail!_ Why did he have to be so observant? Why with her? Well, he didn't say anything. Maybe he didn't actually see anything. He was just shocked that he had touched a 'dirty mudblood's' skin. Anyhow, Hermione didn't want to dwell on it that moment. She would deal with it later.

Knowing that Malfoy was still in the common room turned her off staying in there. Maybe now would be a good time to go spend sometime with her friend. After all, they wouldn't leave her alone unless she went to spend quite a few hours with them.

And so Hermione had found herself in the Gryffindor common room, laughing about almost anything. She missed this. These carefree moments were a luxury. What with Harry and Voldemort and the war looming. But for now, for these hours, all worries were forgotten; including those that shouldn't have been forgotten. And Hermione felt like she was just another teenage girl without any troubles and fears.

**Authors Note: Again I apologise for the extensive wait for this chapter to be put up. I hope you all enjoy it. I know that this is more of a filler chapter but still, even those silly little chapters are important to every story. Leave a review and let me know what you like, what you don't, any suggestions you may have, or anything at all!**

**Enjoy and take care!**

**S**

**xx**


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